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However, we do have options! And I hope it does the same for you. However, this exaggerated passivity is quite different from the unimpeded flow of love that carries who we are. In truth, unconditional love does not require a passive acceptance of whatever happens in the name of love. Rather, in the real spaces of our daily relationships, it means maintaining a commitment that no condition will keep us from bringing all of who we are to each other honestly.

Unconditional Love (Part 2) - Tara Brach

For example, on any given day, I might be preoccupied with my own needs, and might overlook or bruise what you need and hurt you. But then you tell me and show me your hurt, and I feel bad, and you accept that sometimes I go blind to those around me.

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But we look deeply on each other, and you accept my flaws, but not my behavior, and I am grateful for the chance to work on myself. Somehow, it all brings us closer. Unconditional love is not the hole in us that receives the dirt, but the sun within that never stops shining. Real love includes honesty and respect, not just taking hits for the team.

The Election: Of Hate, Grief, and a New Story

Poor behavior can be changed, but that will only happen if someone speaks up about it…and the person hearing it is willing to change. Whereas the immature version of unconditional love would have you feeling as though you must be everything to the other person, the mature version has you recognize that your only obligation, in the face of the other's behavior, is to communicate your message with love and respect. This means being attentive and attuned, even while you are setting limits and boundaries.

It also means honoring the requests of others when you are able to do so without harming yourself. It means not being harsh or dismissive, as this does not lead to compromise or solutions. At its core, this is assertiveness —letting the other person know where you stand so that together you can work out the best outcome for the two of you together. When we think about how to go about loving someone unconditionally in a relationship, the following points emerge:.

We are programmed in life to have conditional love. You love your husband because of his unique traits and qualities that attracted you to him. It's why you love him and not another man. The question becomes, if he changes, at what point is love withdrawn?


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True mature love should come with no strings attached. It is a behavior, rather than a feeling, a point of confusion that can lead to the breakdown of romantic relationships. The satisfaction of unconditional love should come from the act of giving it to the other person, not from what you receive in return. If we think about unconditional love as the "expression of our kindest self," it can be maintained even if a relationship does not survive.


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You might know couples who still love each other but are no longer together. If a relationship is hurting you more than it is good to you, it is okay to feel unconditional love but let the relationship go. Unconditional love is basic goodness and the total acceptance of someone, but it does not mean tolerating abuse, neglect, or other deal breakers. What about the less clear area of falling out of love with someone?

If you still show them unconditional love, you will find a way to kindly and gently end the relationship. In essence, when we first fall in love, it's in an unconditional state, and we can't ever imagine not feeling this way about the other person. But we live in a conditional world, and relationships do end.

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» Freedom and Unconditional Love

We all have different tastes and needs, and these can change over time. One thing is certain; relationships that are completely lacking in unconditional love are unlikely to succeed. Beliefs and lifestyle are likely to change over time, and if you aren't willing to see your partner go through changes, this could spell the end for the two of you. You can be more to your partner when you offer unconditional love in the mature sense.

Podcast: Play in new window Download. Is unconditional love an idea you would like to feel? Since her childhood, Laurie expanded her spiritual understanding in an effort to fill up the sense of emptiness within her, and get back to that unconditional love. A dynamic experience opened that door for her, and now she helps professional innovators to shift from judgment to curiosity, thinking to feeling, and snap decisions to inner inquiry so they can discover their own love—the door that opens all great innovations.